Well from my previous history so far you may be pondering exactly what kind of issues I have to deal with.
I am writing this at 04.28Am listening to various tunes (mainly lighthouse family) and wondering what to write. I mean after hearing the life i had from 2000 you wouldn't believe it was possible for someone to sink into a dark Fugue, But i have.....
I have had my share of relationships since i have returned from Spain, but they have never lasted very long, Certainly nothing has lasted as long as my initial relationship with she who shall not be named..
I caught up with her recently and despite my hoping she would still be single i found she has a baby and she has been with her current beau for 5 years, She did however confess she was a total bitch to me when we were together, This was good news to me but, despite everything I have found myself thinking back on 'What If' I have tried so hard not to.
I discovered an envelope this week that has been with me for 10 years, it had numerous love letters and photo graphs in it, I was shocked as i thought i had lost these quite a while ago.
it sure stirred up a lot of memories, Especially the pictures i had of Maeve,Turns out I had a picture of us kissing, it alone was enough to send me crashing again, pondering 'What if'..God I never realised how much i felt about hre, or maybe its just symptoms of being single for so long.......
Saturday, 23 February 2008
Friday, 15 February 2008
Ibiza 2003
Well this is going to be a very long post,I have Lighthouse family playing, have checked my Facebook to see where everyone is so here goes
i arrived in Ibiza after a ferry journey from mallorca (not totally sure why) but i remember sitting in the lounge watching Lord of the rings in Spanish with Marlon and Adam and fair few other's, We reached the island and traveled down the gangplank to be met my Juan and the other reps on the island, we were sent to our accommodation at some Escapades property (the name escapes me) in San Ann bay, we got settled in and then headed down to mar Y Pins bar (I think it was) and got fairly drunk
We had an amazing 2 weeks of settling in, with various stuff happening each day, we even had a day when we practiced Rep speeches on the coach (Emma was terrified) and that night we went out for a few beers, Marlon left early and I left just after after telling Emma I was going, Me and Marlon were talking about her when I rolled over and saw her crying in the door, I instantly felt guilty but it turns out she was crying about me leaving here rather than what I said, I convinced here to lie next to me and we fell asleep, she woke at 6 o'clock in the morning and seemed upset as she felt she was cheating on her boyfriend at home by sharing a bed with me (I was quite insulted as I would rather have shagged her and given her a reason of feeling upset), Anyway I fell asleep and woke the next morning and and carried on training, I eventually got the Seaview hotel with Julie and Marlon and Donna and we quickly settled in to working together
After a few weeks I was doing an airport run and bought in a Kid's Rep from the UK, I dropped her off at my hotel and told her to join us at Sgt Peppers 2 that night, She came along and by the end of the evening everyone had left except me and Kelly (the new rep) and I advised her her to stay at mine that evening and I thought I had 2 bed's made up (as it turns out housekeeping had decided to strip 1 bed), so we ended up sharing the bed that night, ( I admit I took advantage and had some amazing sex that night(third girl i had slept with since losing my virginity) It took me further week to get Kelly to stay over and when we lay in bed and she questioned me I simply replied I didn't know if she wanted to stay every night or if I was taking the piss (turns out she was happy to stay at mine, The first woman I had stay in my bed more than 2 nights a week and my first attempt at regular relationship )
everything went great that season until I got hammered on an Escapades Booze Cruise and took a drunk girl home with me, after that I got transferred to Bossa and Kelly eventually left the island ( I so regret what happened, especially after the pregnancy scare, And the fact I really did love her)
Anyway once Kelly left i ended up setting the island records for the quickest and last last shag on the island (quickest was about 2 hours after I met this girl and latest as about 15 mins before catching my coach home!!)
Anyway suffice to say I shagged my season away with my holidaymakers, whether it was blow jobs on hotel balconies when i should have been working to turning up to resort meetings with my neck covered in bites, I certainly lived life to the full in Ibiza
I have to admit when i came home i did feel guilt to how i treated Kelly and that has followed me for several years since, I always regret what happened and wonder what could have been if I hadn't lost contact with her
I have to admit I was crazy about Kelly, we spent virtually every night together, and I believe if it hadn't been for me being transferred(and sleeping with a punter) and her being influenced by her friend at home, we would have been together a lot longer than we were
Alas I have loved and lost so many times since I first slept with a woman, However since then I have become more insecure with each woman, always wondering if the reason I broke up with them was my fault or if something beyond my control happened
Any this is my basic journey through Ibiza, those that know me understand a lot more that happened lol
i arrived in Ibiza after a ferry journey from mallorca (not totally sure why) but i remember sitting in the lounge watching Lord of the rings in Spanish with Marlon and Adam and fair few other's, We reached the island and traveled down the gangplank to be met my Juan and the other reps on the island, we were sent to our accommodation at some Escapades property (the name escapes me) in San Ann bay, we got settled in and then headed down to mar Y Pins bar (I think it was) and got fairly drunk
We had an amazing 2 weeks of settling in, with various stuff happening each day, we even had a day when we practiced Rep speeches on the coach (Emma was terrified) and that night we went out for a few beers, Marlon left early and I left just after after telling Emma I was going, Me and Marlon were talking about her when I rolled over and saw her crying in the door, I instantly felt guilty but it turns out she was crying about me leaving here rather than what I said, I convinced here to lie next to me and we fell asleep, she woke at 6 o'clock in the morning and seemed upset as she felt she was cheating on her boyfriend at home by sharing a bed with me (I was quite insulted as I would rather have shagged her and given her a reason of feeling upset), Anyway I fell asleep and woke the next morning and and carried on training, I eventually got the Seaview hotel with Julie and Marlon and Donna and we quickly settled in to working together
After a few weeks I was doing an airport run and bought in a Kid's Rep from the UK, I dropped her off at my hotel and told her to join us at Sgt Peppers 2 that night, She came along and by the end of the evening everyone had left except me and Kelly (the new rep) and I advised her her to stay at mine that evening and I thought I had 2 bed's made up (as it turns out housekeeping had decided to strip 1 bed), so we ended up sharing the bed that night, ( I admit I took advantage and had some amazing sex that night(third girl i had slept with since losing my virginity) It took me further week to get Kelly to stay over and when we lay in bed and she questioned me I simply replied I didn't know if she wanted to stay every night or if I was taking the piss (turns out she was happy to stay at mine, The first woman I had stay in my bed more than 2 nights a week and my first attempt at regular relationship )
everything went great that season until I got hammered on an Escapades Booze Cruise and took a drunk girl home with me, after that I got transferred to Bossa and Kelly eventually left the island ( I so regret what happened, especially after the pregnancy scare, And the fact I really did love her)
Anyway once Kelly left i ended up setting the island records for the quickest and last last shag on the island (quickest was about 2 hours after I met this girl and latest as about 15 mins before catching my coach home!!)
Anyway suffice to say I shagged my season away with my holidaymakers, whether it was blow jobs on hotel balconies when i should have been working to turning up to resort meetings with my neck covered in bites, I certainly lived life to the full in Ibiza
I have to admit when i came home i did feel guilt to how i treated Kelly and that has followed me for several years since, I always regret what happened and wonder what could have been if I hadn't lost contact with her
I have to admit I was crazy about Kelly, we spent virtually every night together, and I believe if it hadn't been for me being transferred(and sleeping with a punter) and her being influenced by her friend at home, we would have been together a lot longer than we were
Alas I have loved and lost so many times since I first slept with a woman, However since then I have become more insecure with each woman, always wondering if the reason I broke up with them was my fault or if something beyond my control happened
Any this is my basic journey through Ibiza, those that know me understand a lot more that happened lol
Sunday, 10 February 2008
More about Moi
So after the trials and tribulations of my first love, and the heartbreak and everything that followed I decided to get away from all the memories and took a job overseas working for a well known Tour operator.
After passing the interviews and being told I had the job i travelled to my local airport to fly out to do my training, all the time at the airport and on the flight I kept expecting someone to say "I'm sorry its been a mistake, you shouldn't be here" I spent a week in Magaluf doing my training with a group of people around my age, We had a total blast, we even had on our first day there, a warning from our resort trainer, saying that at least one of us would have an accident of some sort that first week, we just didn't expect it to be the first night, as one of the guys walked into a sign and cut his head open, but rather than go to hospital he just stuck lots of toilet paper on his head and carried on drinking
After the training I was one of the lucky ones and got a placement on the same Island and spent my first season in a Family Hotel with a bunch of other experienced reps, I got to have a total blast, an apartment to myself, the sun everyday and a Beach just a short walk away and the best news was I got paid for it!!
It was during this first season I met the second woman I was to fall in love with, again love (or lust!) at first sight, I spotted her across the bar in her zebra print dress, Tall brunette and a great figure, she had these lips that just begged to be kissed and eyes that just had to be seen, I spoke to a friend and we both agreed she was gorgeous, I turned to go and chat her up and found she had gone, feeling a little crestfallen I left the bar to go to another one and meet up with the other people I work with, When, As the fates would have it, I bumped into her sitting on a wall a bit further up having a very bad chat up attempt put on her by some drunk guy, I walked over and said 'Hi, You alright?' This got a response from her (in the delightful Irish dulcet tones) "Thank god your English, I thought you were German!!", this got us laughing and I chatted to her and her friend telling her I was a rep and would she like me to show her around, She accepted the invitation and we spent the night chatting and at the end I made my excuses to leave as I had work in the morning, This prompted her to reply that I couldn't just leave them as it was there first night and she didn't know where her hotel was, I gallantly walked her and her friend back to the hotel and spent the night with my head on her stomach chatting to her on the sofa until the sun came up and I really needed to go, I was working that night so arranged to meet her the following night, I got back to my apartment and after a quick shower and change, I headed into work only to be met by question's from my colleagues who had seen me leaving the bar with her
Anyway the following night I met up with her and finally got a kiss off her once we got back to hers, I ended up in her bed but true to form we didn't have sex, this didn't bother me as just being with her was what i needed, We awoke the following morning and after getting through the day I once again ended up back at hers, Again we didn't have sex and this went on until the following night, once we got into bed we were lying there and watching an electric storm play out over the skies, That night we got hot and passionate, and it was a night to remember, I ended up staying with her every night and one night we got a knock on the apartment door, Hotel security asking us to keep the noise down as people were complaining
That was the only girl I slept with that first season and I even went to Ireland to see her when I returned during the Winter break and had 2 amazing weeks with her in Ireland (I even broke my shags in a night record and notched up 7 shags in as many hours!) Sadly it wasn't to be and during my second season in Spain she called it off and said it wasn't working, Sad I know but only so much you can do so many miles apart
My second season was pretty much my worst, The silver lining however was that I did meet Stephanie, Now this was a woman I did fall in lust with, she was just beautiful, Tall brunette and tanned complexion, she had an even more amazing body, the closest I got to doing anything with her was our final week out there and I got to have a slow dance with her, we gazed into each others eyes and at the point we would have kissed I became painfully aware everyone in the bar was looking at us!
That just killed the mood but I did end up returning during the winter to see her, but she was seeing my mate when I got out there, so it was never to be (shame really as there would have been some serious fireworks off that one i can tell you LOL)
That Leads me upto Ibiza, that alone deserves it very own post so I will put that up once I have time to put it together
After passing the interviews and being told I had the job i travelled to my local airport to fly out to do my training, all the time at the airport and on the flight I kept expecting someone to say "I'm sorry its been a mistake, you shouldn't be here" I spent a week in Magaluf doing my training with a group of people around my age, We had a total blast, we even had on our first day there, a warning from our resort trainer, saying that at least one of us would have an accident of some sort that first week, we just didn't expect it to be the first night, as one of the guys walked into a sign and cut his head open, but rather than go to hospital he just stuck lots of toilet paper on his head and carried on drinking
After the training I was one of the lucky ones and got a placement on the same Island and spent my first season in a Family Hotel with a bunch of other experienced reps, I got to have a total blast, an apartment to myself, the sun everyday and a Beach just a short walk away and the best news was I got paid for it!!
It was during this first season I met the second woman I was to fall in love with, again love (or lust!) at first sight, I spotted her across the bar in her zebra print dress, Tall brunette and a great figure, she had these lips that just begged to be kissed and eyes that just had to be seen, I spoke to a friend and we both agreed she was gorgeous, I turned to go and chat her up and found she had gone, feeling a little crestfallen I left the bar to go to another one and meet up with the other people I work with, When, As the fates would have it, I bumped into her sitting on a wall a bit further up having a very bad chat up attempt put on her by some drunk guy, I walked over and said 'Hi, You alright?' This got a response from her (in the delightful Irish dulcet tones) "Thank god your English, I thought you were German!!", this got us laughing and I chatted to her and her friend telling her I was a rep and would she like me to show her around, She accepted the invitation and we spent the night chatting and at the end I made my excuses to leave as I had work in the morning, This prompted her to reply that I couldn't just leave them as it was there first night and she didn't know where her hotel was, I gallantly walked her and her friend back to the hotel and spent the night with my head on her stomach chatting to her on the sofa until the sun came up and I really needed to go, I was working that night so arranged to meet her the following night, I got back to my apartment and after a quick shower and change, I headed into work only to be met by question's from my colleagues who had seen me leaving the bar with her
Anyway the following night I met up with her and finally got a kiss off her once we got back to hers, I ended up in her bed but true to form we didn't have sex, this didn't bother me as just being with her was what i needed, We awoke the following morning and after getting through the day I once again ended up back at hers, Again we didn't have sex and this went on until the following night, once we got into bed we were lying there and watching an electric storm play out over the skies, That night we got hot and passionate, and it was a night to remember, I ended up staying with her every night and one night we got a knock on the apartment door, Hotel security asking us to keep the noise down as people were complaining
That was the only girl I slept with that first season and I even went to Ireland to see her when I returned during the Winter break and had 2 amazing weeks with her in Ireland (I even broke my shags in a night record and notched up 7 shags in as many hours!) Sadly it wasn't to be and during my second season in Spain she called it off and said it wasn't working, Sad I know but only so much you can do so many miles apart
My second season was pretty much my worst, The silver lining however was that I did meet Stephanie, Now this was a woman I did fall in lust with, she was just beautiful, Tall brunette and tanned complexion, she had an even more amazing body, the closest I got to doing anything with her was our final week out there and I got to have a slow dance with her, we gazed into each others eyes and at the point we would have kissed I became painfully aware everyone in the bar was looking at us!
That just killed the mood but I did end up returning during the winter to see her, but she was seeing my mate when I got out there, so it was never to be (shame really as there would have been some serious fireworks off that one i can tell you LOL)
That Leads me upto Ibiza, that alone deserves it very own post so I will put that up once I have time to put it together
Friday, 8 February 2008
Introducing Moi
Having read posts from so many fellow bloggers i thought i would start my own blog
Since this is my first post it only makes sense to introduce myself, In the interests of anonymity i will try not to be too specific (people who know me will know the following life line)
I am currently a 31 year old single male, starting to put on the middle aged spread just a touch
Since i was a teenager i found myself and awkward ugly swan when it came to women, it didn't help that i am 'disabled' due to a childhood illness, and this always seemed to be a never ending source of amusement to the local idiots
I have gone through the normal teenage and young adult phases where i have met women i have had unrequited love with and those i have been honest with only to be ridiculed or embarrassed by them
I finally met a girl in 1999/2000 via the internet and over the course of time we eventually met (going to give a fair bit of back ground on this woman since it explains a lot)
We used to chat every night either on ICQ or phone, we once had the fun of doing an all night phone call (if you have ever seen 'The Truth about Cats and Dog's' you will know this) We chattd for 13 hours and i fell more and more for her, Then one day she announced that she was going away for a time to Ireland for a holiday, I came home form work and decided to call her for the last chat for several days while she was gone
Upon speaking to her on the phone I was overcome by loud music and jokily accused her of being in the pub, she calmly announced she was actually on the M6 north of Birmingham coming to see me for the first time before she flew to Ireland (did i mention she lived in London while i lived in the north West?didn't think so!)
Anyway I ran around like a mad ass loon getting my room cleaned for her to stay when she called me back to say she was on my local motorway and how to get to me, i passed the phone to my brother and he guided her in
She finally pulled up outside mine and i opened the front door, feeling nervous as an expectant father i saw her get out of the car, she was about 5'8 Brunette hair, blue jeans and white wool sweater (god i can't believe i remember but considering what happened thats not surprising!)
She came running up the porch and threw herself into my arms and i finally got to see her in person, she was even more beautiful than i imagined, i got introduced to her father who had driven her down and i went into the kitchen and made them some drinks, she came in to see me (i wont name her to protect her), She came over to me and we had a quick talk to each other and before i knew it we were kissing each other, it was a few minute before i heard her dad give a cough and ask if the drinks were ready, feeling embarrassed i gave him his drink and we left, i don't remember much after that but i do remember we ended up in my room and as we lay next to each other (fully clothed) i finally confessed i had lied to her and that i was actually still a virgin and she was the first girl i had ever had in my bed, she responded by kissing me and we went on from there, i remember undressing her and finally having sex with a woman, I was impressed with my performance and so was she by the noise she made and the way she responded to my touch
Anyway we saw each other every weekend (i had crappy weekend job and used to throw sickies so i could see her), We lasted 3 months before she left me and told me she was looking after a sick Auntie in Wales when she was actually living with a guy in bristol
to cut a long story short I eventually caught her out and even though you would have thought that was the end of it I couldn't let her go, I stayed in touch and ran to her rescue everytime she needed it,
(I am skipping a lot of other stuff her as it would be too easy for the lady in question to identify me and friends to recognise the circumstances)
I eventually burned out and needed to escape, i applied for a job overseas which i got accepted for, I moved there for 3 years and had the time of my life working as a holiday rep, i got the chance to re-invent myself as a cocky twat and eventually meet several other women and enjoy the flesh so to speak ( I will mention more in future posts if it's relevant)
I am now working for a major Telecoms company and have never really got over that first love who broke my heart (I tracked her down recently and she is settled with her man and a 2 year old daughter, I am happy for her i hope i can find the same love soon)
Well i will update this and elaborate more on my history as and when it needs it
Since this is my first post it only makes sense to introduce myself, In the interests of anonymity i will try not to be too specific (people who know me will know the following life line)
I am currently a 31 year old single male, starting to put on the middle aged spread just a touch
Since i was a teenager i found myself and awkward ugly swan when it came to women, it didn't help that i am 'disabled' due to a childhood illness, and this always seemed to be a never ending source of amusement to the local idiots
I have gone through the normal teenage and young adult phases where i have met women i have had unrequited love with and those i have been honest with only to be ridiculed or embarrassed by them
I finally met a girl in 1999/2000 via the internet and over the course of time we eventually met (going to give a fair bit of back ground on this woman since it explains a lot)
We used to chat every night either on ICQ or phone, we once had the fun of doing an all night phone call (if you have ever seen 'The Truth about Cats and Dog's' you will know this) We chattd for 13 hours and i fell more and more for her, Then one day she announced that she was going away for a time to Ireland for a holiday, I came home form work and decided to call her for the last chat for several days while she was gone
Upon speaking to her on the phone I was overcome by loud music and jokily accused her of being in the pub, she calmly announced she was actually on the M6 north of Birmingham coming to see me for the first time before she flew to Ireland (did i mention she lived in London while i lived in the north West?didn't think so!)
Anyway I ran around like a mad ass loon getting my room cleaned for her to stay when she called me back to say she was on my local motorway and how to get to me, i passed the phone to my brother and he guided her in
She finally pulled up outside mine and i opened the front door, feeling nervous as an expectant father i saw her get out of the car, she was about 5'8 Brunette hair, blue jeans and white wool sweater (god i can't believe i remember but considering what happened thats not surprising!)
She came running up the porch and threw herself into my arms and i finally got to see her in person, she was even more beautiful than i imagined, i got introduced to her father who had driven her down and i went into the kitchen and made them some drinks, she came in to see me (i wont name her to protect her), She came over to me and we had a quick talk to each other and before i knew it we were kissing each other, it was a few minute before i heard her dad give a cough and ask if the drinks were ready, feeling embarrassed i gave him his drink and we left, i don't remember much after that but i do remember we ended up in my room and as we lay next to each other (fully clothed) i finally confessed i had lied to her and that i was actually still a virgin and she was the first girl i had ever had in my bed, she responded by kissing me and we went on from there, i remember undressing her and finally having sex with a woman, I was impressed with my performance and so was she by the noise she made and the way she responded to my touch
Anyway we saw each other every weekend (i had crappy weekend job and used to throw sickies so i could see her), We lasted 3 months before she left me and told me she was looking after a sick Auntie in Wales when she was actually living with a guy in bristol
to cut a long story short I eventually caught her out and even though you would have thought that was the end of it I couldn't let her go, I stayed in touch and ran to her rescue everytime she needed it,
(I am skipping a lot of other stuff her as it would be too easy for the lady in question to identify me and friends to recognise the circumstances)
I eventually burned out and needed to escape, i applied for a job overseas which i got accepted for, I moved there for 3 years and had the time of my life working as a holiday rep, i got the chance to re-invent myself as a cocky twat and eventually meet several other women and enjoy the flesh so to speak ( I will mention more in future posts if it's relevant)
I am now working for a major Telecoms company and have never really got over that first love who broke my heart (I tracked her down recently and she is settled with her man and a 2 year old daughter, I am happy for her i hope i can find the same love soon)
Well i will update this and elaborate more on my history as and when it needs it
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